Spring on college campus is terrifying. Finals are rolling closer, teachers are getting testy (growing more afraid they may eat you alive), panic struck from all the work that keeps getting piled on, but oddly enough, this is not the most intimidating thing on campus. Couples are. That’s right; all the cute, little spring clothes are coming out of the closet as well as relationships. You see giggly boys and girls holding hands walking out of the cafeteria on an adventure to their dorms as if they knew what love was. Ha! It makes me sick to see it.
You know, all of my life has been built off of relationships and now that I have met someone who is truly worth a second of my time, I am so far gone I don’t know where to begin. Knowing what you want and knowing what you get are two very, very separate things. You can expect X, Y, and Z out of someone and then are out of luck when your expectations are crushed. People can try to make generalizations and predictions about people but it takes years to know someone.
I was on Facebook today and saw a little High School boy’s status, “Happy 10 months, Suzy. I love you.” I nearly shat myself out of laughter. I wanted to post ‘Hey, Jimmy. You really think this will be happily ever after?’ Kids are so naïve when it comes to love and yet I maybe more experienced in the field, but I know that I was there once, dumb and love struck.
I have also been looking at all of these kids out of High School getting married and having kids before they even turn twenty. I don’t know if the rest of the world sees children having more children, but hey, you plant corn you get corn! I feel that an education, a foundation of who you are and then some is what you really should base a relationship on first. Half of people today don’t know what they want out of life, who they are, and basically, they don’t know a thing. I am just as fresh out of the cradle as these kids making huge life decisions! I guarantee you over half the relationships I have seen are immature and unhealthy (not to mention most of the ones I have had).
You know, now that I am closer to the real world, Prince Charming doesn’t have a check list anymore. Sure, there are the basic qualities such as respect, patience, kindness, and sexual attraction (yes, that is a requirement; trust me I’ve tried dating without it and it CAN’T happen!) and all of the rest of the stuff you think you need are actually just optimistic expectations. My mom told me at one point in my life to never settle for anything less when it comes to men and my first thought was ‘That’s what I have always done!’ Nevertheless, I realized it even more so through a completely beautiful friendship with a boy who is the dopiest yet mature person I have ever met.
That ‘check list’ for the perfect guy that every girl goes over for male criteria is completely bogus. The bare essentials make everything more beautiful. I can tell you right now that over thinking can ruin a lot of good things in your life. I went through that check list and was rambling on and on about what if Chris is not perfect. Then I was stopped. Does he understand you? Yes. Does he make you feel loved? Yes. Does he make you feel happy? Yes. Does he provide a safe harbor for you? Yes. Does he respect you? Yes. All the loving and nurturing I could hope for was right there in front of me and I was over analyzing it for some list? To hell with it! I promptly asked him out and of course he said yes.
Another thing you’ll find accurate is that being yourself will make good things will come your way. You’d think I’d know better but I didn’t when I was younger. Dating was the name and any possible way to get a guy’s attention was the game. Well no, I never have wanted to get sexual with someone, those were all bluffs to get attention from horny high school boys and you know what, it worked! Then the other day and realized I had been playing the same game with just about every guy, except Chris. Later, the two of us were sitting together, just talking away as usual and I said, “you know, most guys I teased to get their attention.” His response, “well that’s just silly,” and it hit me like a ton of bricks. By God, that is silly! I have been pretending to be someone I'm not just to get attention from guys I couldn’t get from other people. All I can say is I will never go back again.
Something else I have also learned in this experience is never compromise your happiness. Yes, I know it seem blatantly obvious but it evades you in everyday life. I didn’t date Chris right away over being worried I would hurt someone else’s feelings. I have wanted to for a while now but was scared of what me dating him would result in. More drama? More hate? Hell, if I knew what would break loose and then once again, the light bulb went off. My happiness is worth more than anything. I know that being compassionate and understanding of someone’s situation is important but it is about damn time I am even a little self-centered! If I am going to do something now it better be good for me too! No more of that unhealthy business.
The bottom line is relationships are scary looking at them or being in one; it is intimidating and has a forecast of unpredictable weather and bumpy roads ahead. But, in the end, you learn something every time and isn’t that what life is truly about? I’d rather make a thousand mistakes than be perfect. So here is to making mistakes but never regretting and to loving, living, and growing for the rest of my life!